Rusty and I knew we wanted children even before we were married. We wanted a house full of laughter and love. Less than a year into our marriage we faced a stumbling block to whether or not this might ever happen the way we envisioned, I was diagnosed with cancer and would need chemotherapy. The chemotherapy did as chemo often does, it took a devastating toll on my body. By our first anniversary we had already had one of what would be many conversations concerning what we would do if we came out of this unable to get pregnant.
By our second anniversary we knew though. We knew that the chemotherapy drugs had thrown my body into an early menopause at the age of 21. In the years that followed we talked to three different fertility specialists, tried rounds of different drugs (to stimulate fertility,) and during one of his deployments we had hoped to save up enough money to try the donor egg program. In the end the doctors didn’t provide much hope. They explained how multiple tests showed I was post menopausal not even pre. Even the fertility drugs seemed to tell us that donor egg was the only way to go. Yet during his deployment we never quiet got the 10s of thousands of dollars set aside.
It was during that deployment I started to think that maybe a life without children would not be so bad. I know that there are many paths to parenthood, but at that point in our lives we were at an impasse concerning what that would mean. Yes I knew anything was possible with God, but at this point in my life it seemed to me that miracles happened to other people. We went back and forth on whether a donor egg was a way to achieve that miracle, or maybe we would adopt. In the end though I decided I was comfortable not having children of our own.
God had other plans though, as he often does. When Rusty returned home from Iraq, we had not saved up for the donor egg procedure, and I was alright with that. What did happen though was he came home in December and by Valentine’s Day I had learned I was pregnant. To say the news thrilled us was an understatement. We were walking on air. After all I had been through to get to this point, including two miscarriages even before the chemotherapy, I knew that this was nothing less than a modern-day miracle. My doctors all declared it was a miracle as well.
That pregnancy, as things were, turned out to be pretty uneventful. I was blessed with a pretty easy pregnancy. It gave me time to think. Think about how we hoped that this meant a door was opening so that we could have more children, yet even if this was not the case we were still thankful for one. In October of 2009 I gave birth to Chloe, my sweet, beautiful, servant-minded child.
By the time she was 6 almost 7 months old, I would learn I was pregnant again. It was another miracle! In February 2011 we were blessed with our second little miracle. Miss Paige is our rough and tough little girl who has a tender heart and wants nothing but to share her love.
In March of 2012 the blessings seemed to come to a terrifying stop. I miscarried again, and this time I was in the ER, after having arrived by ambulance. I lost enough blood that I needed a blood transfusion. We knew though, as sad and scary as this was, we had already been blessed. Those two girls were and are, blessing upon blessing.
It was upon the heals of that miscarriage though, I would get pregnant with our youngest daughter! Miss Madelyn was born January of this year, 2013. God is good.
I tell you this to let you know I have been there, I understand the pain of infertility, but I also know the joy of motherhood. Yes motherhood has its challenges and raising three strong-willed children between the ages of 4 and 9 months can be taxing. But it is a journey that I appreciate, and I value. It is a journey that is from the Lord.
To this day if you were to run a blood panel on me it would show that I am in menopause. I should not be able to have children according to modern medicine, yet the Lord has blessed me with 3 little girls. So it is for these three little miracles I want to thank the Lord for today!
***Do you have a story of infertility, miscarriage, or pregnancy you would like to share today? Or perhaps you are in need of a comforting ear. I am here for you. You can reach me through my contact page, Under the Sun’s Facebook page, or just leave a comment.***